A lesson in negotiation from my eight-year old daughter

I had always pride myself for being calm and collected during negotiations. And I would say that I’m relatively good since I have started at ground zero, actually with negative cashflow, and now am financially independent. That I guess would have taken a lot of negotiations.

But on that fateful hot afternoon, an eight-year-old gave me a lesson in negotiation that I will not forget.

We were planning a family holiday to Melbourne during the term break in December. And I had always preferred to travel light and with four kids, I gave strict instructions to pack only the necessary as each one was to be responsible for their own stuff.

Their ages were 15, 12, 8 and 5. They love their soft toys and have a closet full of them. And each night, they respectively go to bed with a few favourite ones.

A lesson in Negotiations.

So of course, they started negotiating on what was ‘necessary’.  Apart from outfits and shoes, books and toiletries, obviously they had a string of soft toys that were not only necessary but downright indispensable if they were to sleep at night and for me to get to bed.

Their argument rested on borderline threat and their exact words were ‘Mum, we need our soft toys to go to sleep. Without them, we just can’t go to bed. And we will come bug you and daddy, if we can’t sleep. So what shall it be?’

First round, mummy lost and consented. I said, ‘Alright then, each is allowed one soft toy. Got it? Only One! No more negotiations. Take it or leave it.’

‘OK, thank you mummy.’ All four said in unison.

‘Ha!’ I thought to myself. ‘I’ll show them who’s boss.’ Thinking that the issue was settled and I would hear no more of it.  

A few days later as I drove them home from school. The conversation in the car was carefully ‘maneuvered’ by the eight-year-old in this direction.

It went like this.

‘Mummy, my bag is almost done.’ Nicky said. ‘You can check it. There’s lots more space in my bag. You can also share my bag, if you like. And put your stuff in if you can’t find space in the bag you share with daddy.’

How kind, I thought. I brought my kids up well. They are so considerate to think for me. I smiled to myself.

‘Have you decided which soft toy you are taking with you, Nicky?’  I asked, curious to know which one she chose as she goes to bed with an army of them. But there are three special ones that are always in bed with her. And I told her many times already that she can take ONLY one. She must choose.

She kept quiet and did not answer me. In hindsight, I should have already seen and heard the wheels turning in her mind. But at that moment, I was quite upbeat and thought how well my kids were with their packing.

Then she asked me this question.

The question she asked was, ‘Mummy, whom do you love most, Daddy, Che Che Isabelle, Ko Ko Jason, me or Matthew?’

‘I love all of you’ I stated matter of factly. And being so dense, I did not see what was coming.

‘No, no. You cannot say that. You must choose only one.’ Nicky continued.

‘No, I will not choose. Because I love all of you.’

Bullseye! Her next statement left me speechless.

‘So you can understand that I cannot choose between my soft toys. I love all of them. And I must have all of them with me at night. I cannot choose only one. I must take all three.’

Done deal. Mummy had no choice but to agree.

I hope you enjoy the sharing 

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